


As I Grit My Teeth

by MalikRuttingAssassinAss



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Breathplay, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Injury Recovery, Jealousy, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Relationship(s), Secret Relationship, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-18 11:08:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5926207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MalikRuttingAssassinAss/pseuds/MalikRuttingAssassinAss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James finds out sleeping with a superior officer isn't just about sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As I Grit My Teeth

Sometimes, it can’t be helped. Sometimes, the craving for intimacy makes the stomach knot and seize up almost violently. To press the dry and chapped skin of your lips to someone’s, anyone’s, shoulder and card your fingers through or over long or short hair is sobering in the broiling, murky waters of war. So much death and destruction, so much blood and gore and tears that there’s nothing left that can make you feel sorry for a person. A broken arm is better than that body they saw the other day – the one who’d been mounted over a Cerberus outpost like some prize-winning game trophy, guts cascading down the wall and head rolled back with eyes pecked out by birds.  
  
Anything’s better than that body they saw the other day.  
  
A warm body with a pulse and consent, someone who doesn’t mind if you invade their space and leave your hand too long on the small of their back as you finish your greeting, someone who enjoys the way your tongue traces their bumps and bruises and scars alike – that’s what he wants, that’s what he’s offered and that’s what he takes.  
  
And it’s not his usual forte. Instead of soft plains of supple flesh, instead of wide hips around a hot core and breasts that could vary from small to large with areola whatever sizes because he’s a boob man- or so he thought. Because this body, this person with a pulse and consent… also has a dick and pecs. He assumes. He’s never really gotten the guy naked after all.  
  
Anyway, when a higher ranking officer decides you’re worth the trouble of breaking regulations after months of offhanded comments and mild flirting, you tend to not say no. Or squeal to your Commander – especially since that particular Commander has more important shit to deal with than a Lieutenant going frigid over a few touches. And anyway, it’s not like he’s uncomfortable, or that he said no, because he didn’t. He’d stared at Major Alenko for a few heartbeats, feeling the sexual tension in the air like the hand on his ass, but he hadn’t said no.  
  
He found it pretty damn difficult to say no, especially since this was a Major in the Alliance, a man who should know better and be put in his place because this was conduct unbecoming of an officer who was otherwise a shining example of the Alliance Marines. He had half a mind to remind Major Spectre Alenko that if someone caught them it was going to come down on him rather than Alenko because he was the Spectre who was immune to any and all Alliance regulations including fraternisation, of which Alenko had whole heartedly agreed and went into detail about how careful he was being.  
  
Before he’d dropped to his knees under his workbench and sucked him off.  
  
“James Vega, you’re letting this guy dig a grave for you, and it’s looking a little cramped.” James mutters to himself, his oiled fingers jamming into the ejection port of Garrus’ Black Widow sniper. Alenko was different, though. He was nothing if not controlled, always left a way out and by standards, left whoever he was getting dirty with a way out too. Always at arm’s length. But he can feel him at the armoury lockers, hear his armour, which he can smell the Rachni vomit soaking it, being stowed into the decon-tank for a thorough cleaning.  
  
Shit, Jimmy, heart’s beating a mile a minute.  
  
But Shepard is there, listing off all the shit to be done to Liara who had joined him and the Major on the previous mission, mentioning someone called Grunt being hospitalised and how it was going to take weeks to get the Krogan blood out of the seats – that had been mentioned jokingly by Cortez. Shepard doesn’t grace Cortez with a response.  
  
“I want the shuttle scrubbed clean ready for the next drop.” Shepard orders. “The damn thing stinks of Rachni puke and I don’t want it corroding.”  
  
“Yes sir.” Cortez salutes. They aren’t his orders, nor are they Kaidan’s, so his eyes drift back to the Major stripping off his bile stained undersuit with a gentle hiss. He’s bruised all to hell, his skin is flared red where the acid has seeped through the undersuit, a few blisters at his elbow joints and there’s a nasty bruise spread up his side. Shepard shares a glance in Kaidan’s direction and James notices his attention isn’t so much on the biotic’s injuries but on his assets.  
  
There’s a sudden boil of jealousy that teases the lip of the pan as his CO so blatantly eyes up the Major but himself and Liara have the decency not to say anything, especially since he was sure Kaidan would distance himself like that one time he’d made a sexual innuendo at him over a busy mess hall table and made him blush. They’re trying to be discrete after all.  
  
And discrete is; not calling out your CO on his gawking because you’re tapping the ass he’s staring at.  
  
“I think Chakwas is going to have her hands full dealing with Grunt.” Liara says softly. She’s still a little breathless from helping Shepard haul the baby Krogan up to the medbay before returning to the shuttle bay given Kaidan had been limping too much to offer assistance, but at least she’s not battered up the same. She’s more careful, more of a distant fighter throwing biotics and offering support – whereas James is sure Shepard has been using Kaidan as a tank recently.  
  
Kaidan glances over his shoulder when he belatedly realises Liara was patching him in on the conversation. James almost grins at the slow blink he gives his fellow squad and Commanding Officer as he stands there in his undies. He almost bites his lip to bleeding because this is as undressed as he’s ever been in front of him since they took their flirting to the next level.  
  
“Huh?” Alenko hums.  
  
“Treat your wounds, Kaidan. I want you ready by our next mission. No excuses.”  
  
“Ah- yes Sir.”  
  
“It’s going to be tricky reaching the burns on your back, Major,” James points out before he’s got a hold of his tongue. He sees Shepard crane his neck to get a good look of his back again, but he clenches his jaw resolutely. “Let me-”  
  
“Alright,” Kaidan keeps his eyes on him – he must know Shepard’s ogling him, he’s not stupid, he’s, like, the smartest guy on the ship – smartest human anyway… maybe. “Grab the medi-gel and I’ll meet you in the crew quarters in 10. Let me scrub off the Rachni puke first.”  
  
“Aye-aye.” He has his orders and the Major shuffles off, barely able to walk on his left leg, to the elevator in loose clothing with his uniform tucked under his arm. He turns back to his work on the sniper rifle lying in pieces across his workbench and drowns out the sounds of his CO and Doc milling around with their armour, chatting about the mission in hushed voices until Shepard’s being notified of Admiral Hackett on the comm-link and is heading up in the elevator.  
  
A thump on his workbench has him shaken from his reverie as his hand whips out to steady the bottle of gun oil and he glances at the med-pack laid out that had knocked it. Liara ducks her head down and hits him with those big blue eyes, her dark lips curling up in a pleasant smile.  
  
“You know,” She begins, pulling packs of medi-gel from the bowels of the pack. “I’m fairly certain you’re planning to give Kaidan an infection with all the dirt stuck under your nails.”  
  
“I was gonna wash my hands!” James huffs. “Come on, gimme some credit, Doc.”  
  
“Neither do I think gun oil is very medicinal. Nor is it very therapeutic in the event of a massage.” She’s enjoying this, James realises as he scrubs his hands with the rag before cracking open a steriliser pack. The icy gel thins out to a watery solution as he sterilises his hands, wrists and arms and the little nicks and sores on his fingers scream in irritation, but he’s felt worse in the past few days. He’s seen his face in shreds, felt it more so, there’s no comparison.  
  
“Are you trying to imply something, Doctor T’Soni?”  
  
“I would never think of it.” She leaves a generous amount of medi-gel packs on his work bench and stows away the crate she’d taken them from, somewhere in the many storage containers dotted around his work area. “It is nice to see Kaidan finally making friends, though. He’s a difficult character to understand.”  
  
“Nah, he’s just a little…” James searches the bulkhead for a better word. “Awkward. Gotta come at him at the right angle, kinda like one of them Rachni. You launch yourself head on and it’s gonna fire its fucking guns at you in defence and lock up tight. You gotta hit its sweet spot, the one right in the side, behind the sack, enough that you sever its spine but not blow out its clutch of suicide attacker babies.”  
  
Liara looks perplexed and amused and James thinks he should’ve shut up as soon as the description popped into his head. She’s gonna laugh at him, he knows it.  
  
“That’s an interesting way to describe, Kaidan, sure.” She sighs roughly and he knows she’s forcing a laugh from whatever accounts as a diaphragm in Asari anatomy. “I’m sure he’ll appreciate hearing that one. Reminds me of the time Shepard described Kaidan as a constipated dog. Incredibly loyal, but won’t stop trying to poop wear he sleeps every time someone mentions Cerberus.”  
  
“That’s a shittier analogy than mine.”  
  
“And yours needs plenty of work. I’ll see you in the morning cycle, Lieutenant.” With that said, Liara heads off to the elevator leaving James with the awful mental pictures of Shepard’s analogy.  
  
  
***  
  
Tending to Kaidan’s wounds had been easy enough. The Major had settled down and had flinched only once or twice whilst James lanced the blisters of his burns and forced out the fluid. The medi-gel had been a relief, James had watched, as he massaged the chilled solution over abused flesh, Kaidan’s expression shift from pinched to relaxed, and his tensed muscles soften.  
  
Having the Major on his back as he works the cold gel into his most likely torn hamstring is when Kaidan really starts to complain. James’ grip slackens mercifully as the biotic instinctively tugs back and lets out a sharp intake. Definitely torn.  
  
“How did you do this to yourself?” James asks and watches Kaidan drag himself up from his back to lean against the bulkhead behind him.  
  
“Dunno, maybe during the cave-in. Adrenaline was surging pretty hard and we didn’t really have time for limping.”  
  
He looks back down to the blackening bruise up Kaidan’s leg and tentatively wraps his medi-gel soaked hands around the swollen joint of his ankle. It must’ve been excruciating. Running on a torn hamstring was impossible for any species, the fact Kaidan had kept going, kept acting out Shepard’s orders, had run from the encroaching Reaperfied Rachni, had been the tank in Shepard’s squad… It infuriates James. Shepard doesn’t fucking care what condition his squad is in as long as the mission is successful. Get it done, or get left behind. If Kaidan hadn’t dragged his ass around, if he had laid out like any normal human being would’ve and screamed in agony, then Shepard probably would’ve just shot him between the eyes like a limping race horse. And maybe Kaidan knows it too, maybe that was why he kept going in that Rachni infested hell hole…  
  
“James,”  
  
He looks up from where his palms are cupping the area where he’s sure the hamstring is torn. Kaidan’s eyes are warm like the flesh beneath his fingers, his honeyed gaze a welcome sight even if they’re a little lost in the dimmed, limited lighting the crew quarters offers.  
  
“That feels really good.” Kaidan breathes. “I wouldn’t want anyone else nursing me better.”  
  
“My medic skills aren’t as fancy as yours.” James hesitates before pressing a gentle kiss to the inside of Kaidan’s ankle. It’s intimate, something they’ve never been, something two soldiers struggle to be because they’re usually two super nova colliding in an explosion of heat and adrenaline after missions and burning each other out until they’re exhausted of energy… It’s normally teeth and nails, not lips and fingers, but James doesn’t want to be the lit match to Kaidan’s fuse wire tonight, he’s happier being the salve to his wounds, something Kaidan needs rather than desires.  
  
But it’s a big leap, just one press of his lips against the joint of his ankle, and things are already shifting within him. And so it seems the same for Kaidan as he watches those lips plant against his skin again, not tasting, just caressing.  
  
“But, you can’t fault me for enthusiasm.”  
  
“No,” Kaidan hesitantly flexes his foot, and James smiles when he doesn’t so much as blink in pain. His magic hands, and the medi-gel, have made a difference, mending an excruciating issue that otherwise would’ve taken months to heal. By morning, Kaidan might be walking without a limp, and James would be there to make that a certainty. “No, I’ve never faulted you on that.”  
  
“That’s rich.” James slides his hand down Kaidan’s thigh once the battered leg he’d been working on is laid out beside him. The Major has slipped the other across his lap, essentially trapping James, but James supposes it can’t be a trap if he actually enjoys being there. Kaidan chuckles as he slides down off the wall and onto his back, his thighs locking about his waist and squeezing playfully, there’s little room for manoeuvre if James even wanted it, but he doesn’t, so he instead he climbs up and fits himself between those powerful thigh muscles, his hands cupping that perfect ass when he hauls Kaidan’s lower half onto his lap.  
  
“Are you ok?” He whispers half in consideration of Kaidan’s injuries and half because, well, this is pretty new to them, to their… whatever they have going on. When the Major doesn’t answer right away, when he hesitates and his eyes lose focus to concentrate on a spot over his shoulder, James is ready to let him go and shift next door to his own bunk. Of course he’s moving too fast – he’s that bull in the china shop and Kaidan’s the finest vase in the whole damn store wobbling dangerously on the shelf. He’s just a body, a pulse under his lips, he’s consent. Kaidan’s been keeping him at arm’s length for good reason and now he’s gone and invaded his personal space and-  
  
“I could be better,”  
  
James blinks and inches his hands to Kaidan’s hips rather than his ass where he gently eases his thighs out from under his backside. A pair of thighs tighten around his hips when he pushes against him, and for a moment he feels like Kaidan’s about to perform some wrestle-mania type shit and flip them to kick his ass because he’s been keeping him at arm’s fucking length for good fucking reason. But Kaidan isn’t about to throw him down for a slap or two, he simply keeps him there between his thighs, the thin fabric of his boxers not hiding much at all and James finds himself glancing down more often than he really should.  
  
“James?”  
  
“Yeah,” He swallows, getting the idea. “Yeah, I’ll make you better.”  
  
If someone told him before this whole thing started between him and the Major that Kaidan Alenko was highly sensitive just about everywhere and was incredibly receptive in bed, he would’ve probably teased the shit out of that person for knowing – but Kaidan is. James kisses along the crease of his pectorals meeting and that almost throws the man into convulsions. He sighs and arches his neck back, exposing his throat and James usually would’ve bitten him right on the adam’s apple, but tonight is filled with discrepancies from the norm, why not add more?  
  
There’s a sweet spot just below Kaidan’s ear that he kisses and licks and the Major’s fingers are clawing at his mohawk, trying to keep him there whilst the rest of his body rolls with the sensation. James hears a hiccup of breath and the pulse quickens beneath his lips as his fingers graze down the semi-naked body writhing below him.  
  
They’ve never branched further than handjobs and blowjobs, there’s never been time, they’ve never had the privacy, but since they’re docked on the Citadel to offload their precious cargo of wounded Krogan, one night of shore leave, the crew are hitting clubs and hotels hard. The crew quarters are dark and empty around them and they find themselves with the time and privacy they’d since been refused. Some R&R, so to say.  
  
By the time James returns from the realisation that they’re actually going to do it, IT, he’s undressed and Kaidan’s lost his boxers, who knows where. Kaidan pushes something round and cold into his hand and reaches back under his pillow for something else. Turns out it’s a condom to pair up with the bottle of lube already in his hand, and James has to wonder if Kaidan was planning this from the start. A small, private, smile tells him as much as he needs to know.  
  
The blanched white bandages wrapped around the wounds on various areas of Kaidan’s body are like little guide ropes in the darkness, he can see one of Kaidan’s arms is thrown up above him to grab the pillow as he turns onto his stomach and props himself up on his knees. The other braced against the bed and his back muscles ripple as he settles his weight on his front and glances over his shoulder.  
  
James has his fingers inside him, slipping in and out, massaging silky walls and he’s pretty damn sure Kaidan was planning this now, he’s already pretty loose and fancy free putting it lightly, without going into much detail. He’d obviously decided this was the night for the both of them. If James thought the Major was sensitive on the surface, it’s nothing like having his fingers inside him. The biotic moans freely, he’s loosened his resolve and dumped his control without a care, he opens his throat and gasps pleasantly at everything James does and it’s the best compliment he’s ever been given.  
  
Putting aside the fact he’s never done this before in his entire life. He’s done it to women, sure, some girls really like having their backdoors bashed in, it’s a common part of discovering one’s sexuality after all, but never with a guy. Kaidan’s the first guy. THE guy. Gay for just him, or whatever. He wonders if it’s the same for Kaidan, but then he catches the looks he and Shepard give each other sometimes and… well, he knows there’s history at least.  
  
“Vega,” Kaidan gasps around his moans as he slams back on the fingers inside him – James has to count to ten before he can even think of opening his mouth to answer because there’s a high possibility he’ll just make incoherent moaning sounds instead.  
  
“Fuck me, please, I want- I need you.”  
  
James slides his fingers out slowly, enough to having Kaidan shuddering and reaching back for him wantonly, but James loves it, loves that he can have Major Alenko – Major Hardass poster child of the Alliance Navy - begging and dripping pre-come all over the sheets after a few minutes fingering. Or was it an hour?  
  
He has him doing more once the condom’s on and he’s slick as he pushes in. He actually has him in a blissed out silence, and he’s sure to check it isn’t because he’s in pain –Kaidan gives around him easily and even rolls his hips back when he’s fully seated. A higher ranking officer is putting himself into this situation with him, either Kaidan’s L2 implant is messing with his sense of judgement, or James is finally cashing in on some good karma because Kaidan is a god damn blessing.  
  
From there, it’s a blur and a tangle of naked limbs, sweat and powerful movements. James eventually has to wrap his hand around Kaidan’s mouth to stop him from screaming the crew quarters down, because the biotic is a damn screamer – who’d have thunk it? And who wants EDI butting in over the comm asking if everything’s alright and then informing Shepard of what she’s assumed as a fight because Kenneth and Gabby are still living that one down. He almost feels bad because now Kaidan’s breathing hard through his nose and probably not getting enough air.  
  
But Kaidan, the constant little box of surprises he is, is seriously into that sort of shit, James finds out. Just as the Major must be starting to feel lightheaded, he pushes James’ hand away and takes deep lungfuls of air for a serious head rush and James almost shatters at the clenches of silken walls around him. He barrels through instead, pounding that fine, round, pert ass and not caring now when Kaidan starts moaning his pleasure aloud. He has the initiative to push his head into the pillows on particularly loud shouts of ecstasy, but otherwise he’s happy to let the whole damn ship know.  
  
“Looks like I’ve got a kinky one,” James growls over Kaidan’s shoulder. Kaidan scrabbles at the pillow under his head as he pushes back hard on James, whimpering a simple plea of “harder”. He gives it to him, using the power in his thighs and arms as he mounts the Major completely and drills him into the damn mattress. Kaidan near enough loses his mind in the next few minutes.  
  
But unlike what James expects, he falls silent as he reaches the edge of the precipice and he belatedly realises why, realises his hand is wrapped around Kaidan’s throat and is squeezing and there’s a very recent memory of Kaidan asking him, between his resounding moans, to cut off his air. Seriously kinky one, he thinks to himself until Kaidan slams down tight on him and pretty much convulses in silence around his orgasm. He lets go just as Kaidan digs his nails into James’ fingers and he gasps hard, another powerful headrush that James barely notices because he’s almost completely boneless against Kaidan’s back as he pulls out.  
  
“Fuck,” He collapses against the wall and Kaidan’s more than happy lying there on his stomach looking like he’s been hit by a freighter just with fewer injuries. “That was… fucking intense.”  
  
Kaidan makes a moan of approval, but other than that, he’s motionless and unresponsive. He hears him swallow a few times, a sniffle and a cough before he’s turning his head to glance appreciatively at the Lieutenant beside him. He doesn’t speak. James likes to think he’s responsible and not just exhaustion.  
  
“Is that a look of dismissal?” James teases. “You know my bunk’s next to yours, right? It’s not like you’re gonna be kicking me out very far.”  
  
“I’m not kicking you anywhere.” Kaidan finally whispers hoarsely. “But…”  
  
“But you don’t want us getting caught out, huh..?”  
  
“Not if I can help it.”  
  
James shrugs and climbs over Kaidan, grabbing his clothes and throwing the used condom in the bin inside a wad of tissue. He takes a moment to stretch before collecting his clothes and pulling on his boxers. He finds Kaidan’s hanging against the side of his bunk and grins as he tosses them onto his partner’s face. All he hears from the man is a grunt of annoyance and exhaustion, and the sound of elastic hitting flesh. He climbs into bed before glancing Kaidan’s way again. The biotic is curled up, not unlike Shepard’s dog analogy, just less constipated. Not after what I just did- wait, no. Goodbye afterglow, hello nightmares.  
  
“I’ve never had such a … a powerful orgasm before.” Major Alenko whispers. Why he chooses to whisper now after spending the past half hour filling the room with erotic, wayward noises, James doesn’t know, but it slips from his attention once he realises Kaidan’s just poked him with an amazing compliment.

“I… I gotta admit, I’ve never done that before, not with a guy anyway.”  
  
Kaidan blinks, his droopy eyes widening slightly. “Really?”

“You were a good teacher without even trying, receptive, vocal and physical. You told me what you wanted not so much with words, but with your body. Very… expressive.” James licks his scarred lips as he tucks his arms under his pillow, his eyes on the Major curled up in the bunk beside him.  
  
Kaidan’s cheeks turn a pretty shade of pink that is obvious even in complete darkness and James chuckles deep in his throat at the sight. “I-” Kaidan swallows, scratching absently at his throat. “I tend not to… because of… I’m not…” There’s a pause as he moans and scrubs at his face with his bruised hands. “Human biotics are considered freaks enough without kinky fetishes to boot.”  
  
James raises an eyebrow at him.  
  
“Wait a second, were you holding back on your biotics?” He frowns as Kaidan glances off to the side. “You don’t need to do that with me. I want to see them, feel them, they’re a part of you – and who cares if you like it a little rough, I just wanna make you come so hard.”  
  
Kaidan clears his throat, but at least he’s looking at him again.  
  
“As long as your biotics aren’t going to hurt me…”  
  
“No of course not, they’re gentle even when I let them go during sex. But they’ve always terrified any person I’ve ever been with. I didn’t want to… to turn you away.”  
  
James smirks and whips Kaidan with a sock left on the space of floor between them and as Kaidan flinches and curses him out with a grin on his face, James shakes his head and smiles right back.  
  
“I’ve seen some shit, so no offense, but I don’t think your little fizz-bang lightshow is gonna make me shit the sheets.  
  
Kaidan studies James for a moment, and James drops the sock back on the floor, not knowing whose it is except he is pretty sure it is Kaidan’s considering it doesn’t have a single hole in it.  
  
“Alright. Next time.” He croaks, before closing his eyes and burying his face into the pillows.  
  
James can’t help but smile from ear to ear even as he falls asleep right along with him.  
  
Finally something to look forward to.


End file.
